Forgive Me
by twilighter052012
Summary: What if in New Moon, Alice had been a couple hours late? What if Bella and Jacob had kissed in her car? What happened? And what would happen with Edward?
1. Chapter 1

Hey everybody! Here is my new story. Of course, everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. (For those of you referencing, this begins on page 376 of New Moon)

* * *

If I turned my face to the side-if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder...I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanation tonight.

But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?

Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head.

And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whipsered in my ear.

"Be happy," he told me.

I froze.

Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door.

_Wait_, I wanted to say. _Just a minute_. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward's voice in my head.

I grabbed Jake's hand. "Wait," I whispered.

"Bella, you don't have to pretend for me." Jacob said softly.

His words made me hesitate for a second, rethink briefly about what I was about to do. My hole ached, practically gasping for air. Even if this love was only a small, miniscule piece of what I was truly capable of, was that enough? Enough to be somewhat happy? Enough to make him happy?

I couldn't be sure that the answer was no.

I tilted my head up towards his face. It wasn't the hard face I had slowly been growing accustomed. It was a warm face, a sun. _My_ sun.

I found myself leaning in. Jacob got the hint; he leaned in, too. I felt his breath wash over my face as he came closer. He mumurred, "Bella.." and then his lips touched mine.

I knew it would be different. But I didn't realize how different it would be. _Warm_, that was my body's first reaction. _Not right_, was the second. For a second I wavered. But then the voice came back to me, just a faint whisper, "Be happy." With new found courage and acceptance, I pressed my mouth slightly closer to Jacob's.

Jacob pulled my closer, putting his arms around my back and deepening the kiss. It wasn't anywhere close to how I felt with Edward, but it made me feel good. It didn't cut the edges of my hole. They throbbed, but not as bad as I expected. Not as bad, that was the key.

I moved my lips with his slowly. He matched my pace, being careful not to push me too far. My hands moved to his face and my fingers traced his cheekbone. I whispered, "Jacob.." He pulled back and looked at me and let me go. I started to protest but then he got out of the truck and came over to my side. No explanations _tonight_, hadn't I already thought that? Already committed myself to this possible, and probable, outcome? I took a deep breath. He opened my door and took my hand, being very gentle, and smiled. Not a smug smile, but a small Jacob smile.

I took his hand and got out of the truck. I felt his finger lace between mine as he shut the door and we walked toward the house. Charlie wasn't home. I felt a tinge of guilt. Harry just died and look what I'm doing...

Jacob must of felt my concern. "Hey, Bella, I don't want you to feel like you have to prove anything-"

I cut him off. He misunderstood. "No, that's not it. I was actually thinking about Harry."

"Yeah, Harry wasn't that old, really makes you think about living life, doesn't it?" We got to the door and he reached under the eeve to get the key. It's amazing what he had picked up from the time he spent with me.

I looked at him, "Charlie won't be home until late."

His eyes bore into mine, "My dad is probably going to be with him most of the night."

I opened the door and Jacob closed it. I started walking but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop and turned me around, facing him. Our bodies were close, closer than I had anticipated, I had thought I had walked further. He brought his hands to my face and placed them gently around my cheeks.

"I want you to know this is all up to you. This...Bella, I know you still love _him_," the words stung but he said them softly, genuinely, not meaning to cause any harm but knowing that he would anyway, "so whatever happens, happens. I won't hold it against you, no matter what."

I was speechless. He had given me the ultimate escape, and choice. I wasn't sure how to respond.

"Say something." Jacob pleaded.

I hesitated and then spoke, "For now, this-it's enough." With that, he brought his lips to mine for the second time. This time, I moved my arms to go around his neck and he pulled me in closer, moving his hands to my waist. Our kissing was as slow and careful as it had been in the car, moving with a certain rhythm that was unique. Then it changed. Lightly, he traced my bottom lip with his tongue. I gasped slightly, not sure how to proceed. This was uncharted territory for me. Edward didn't allow this. This was new for me.

Jacob took my gasp has acceptance and continued. He was slow, and seemed to understand I didn't really know what I was doing and found some sort of way to help me along. His fingers played with the hem of my shirt. _No explanations tonight_, I thought to myself. Without reason or even telling myself to move, I found Jacob and I moving towards the stairs. When we got to the steps, he laughed a little and picked me up by the waist, carrying me to the top. I said nothing. I was afraid if I started to speak, I would lose it. And I couldn't right now. I just couldn't.

We stared at eachother in my bedroom doorway, both of us internally verifying the circumstances. He leaned over and kissed me lightly again. I walked backward into my room and he followed, continually kissing me, shutting the door behind him. I layed on my bed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Bella..." Jacob spoke, suddenly unsure.

"For now, Jacob. No explanations for tonight." I spoke, accepting the life of partial happiness I was allowing myself.

He nodded, and started taking off his shirt.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Jacob was leaning next to me, sleeping soundly. His arm was around my waist as I laid next to him. I was staring at my wall, tears glistening down my face, trying to figure out what I had just done. _Why_ had I allowed that? Why did I let Jacob and I go that far? It was stupid and idiotic and would cause us even more hurt.

I already was hurting. Even though Edward had strict limits, I always wanted it to be with _him_ that I did that with. I told myself to stop. If I didn't, I was going to boil over. I already felt my shoulders shaking lightly with sobs. They weren't enough to wake Jacob, but they were there.

I rolled over slightly to look at his face. It was peaceful, his mouth making a slight O with his lips. He looked so relaxed.

And all I felt was self-betrayal.

I never intended to, that wasn't it, but that was basically what it was. And now I had to face some consequences. But I was sort of happy. It was Jacob. He cared. I blushed slightly as my thoughts drifted.

Jacob taking his shirt off. Taking my shirt off. Going under the covers. The complex simplicity of it all.

I closed my eyes and started breathing deeply. I was afraid of the sobs starting again.

It was about then that I heard an odd noise. It sounded like tires, many of them, screeching to a stop. I jumped up and grabbed the first thing I saw and put on. I didn't realize until I passed the mirror that it was Jacob's shirt. I practically swam in it. I glanced back at Jake. He was still sleeping peacefully. Good, I didn't want whoever it was to wake him. More than that, I really didn't want anyone else to know what had just happened.

I went down the stairs and realized that to anybody else I probably looked even more ridiculous. It was too late to be embarrassed.

No. This could not be happening. The door was wide open, giving way to a small gathering in my living room.

"Oh thank God you are alive!" Alice screamed, rushing and giving me a hug.

"Alice, what-," I started. This could not be happening, this could not be happening.

"We tried to get here faster but we had to wait on Carlisle and it took longer. We came to be with Charlie but you are alive!"

"_We?_" I asked suspiciously.

"And why would you jump off a cliff!" she continued, ignoring my question.

"When you say we…" I couldn't bear to think what was coming.

"Bella!" Edward came around the corner, a look of pure relief washed across his face. He smiled.

This had to be a nightmare. They couldn't be here.

"This can't be happening," I mumbled. I started to sway. Edward caught me.

"Why are you both here anyway? Especially _you_," I said, directing my question pointedly toward Edward.

His face became torn. A look of remorse and something else went across it, but I couldn't recognize it exactly. His molten gold eyes bore into mine.

"You weren't safe and you weren't going to let me go. I had to lie."

I started shutting down. My words came out broken.

"You…had to…_lie_?"

"I have been absolutely miserable. I love you, Bella. I love you."

No. I was making this up. This nightmare was going to kill me. Literally this time.

"I have to be dreaming. This isn't real." I started crying now.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Alice interjected.

I fell to my knees, gasping for air. This wasn't a really happening; it was my mind. I was still asleep.

"Bella? Bella? What's wrong?" Edward's voice was frantic.

"You can't be here. You are really here."

"I assure you, I am." Edward's face was pleading.

It was now I started to sob. Uncontrollable sobs, every bit of what I was holding back in bed before was coming out, harder than ever, pounding out of my chest and throat and overflowing out of my eyes.

"If you had only gotten here a few hours ago…" I mumbled.

"What? What happened? And why would it matter? And I don't recognize this shirt?"

I started to stutter, and then I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I thought my heart stopped.

Jacob, shirtless, walked around the corner with a pair of sweats carelessly thrown on, obviously quickly.

"Bella, I woke up and I heard noise and-," Jacob started, until he saw Edward and Alice. His face froze. His mouth mashed into a flat line.

I turned my head slightly to look at Alice and Edward. Alice kept her emotions in fair check, but I could tell that she was irritated. I wonder if she saw this coming.

It was Edward's that hurt the most, looking from the shirtless Jacob to me in a large shirt. Edward's didn't though. Edward's looked like he was being tortured. He glanced at me with not a pure loathe that I felt for myself at the current time, but utter guilt and regret.

"Wait, hold on, I-," I started.

"Bella, I better go." Jacob said flatly. There was no emotion in his voice.

"Jake, wait-" I tried to protest.

"Enough _for now_, remember? I have a feeling "now" is over." He didn't say the word harshly. He spoke them like you would say a general fact, like it's raining in Forks.

"Jake!" I yelled but he was already out the door. I saw a few remnants of sweat pants hit my lawn.

Alice and Edward looked at me. I couldn't meet their gaze. There was no holding back the regret I felt at the moment. If I had waited, if I hadn't screwed everything up, I… I didn't even know what I thought anymore.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed as I ran upstairs.

I slammed my door and buried my body in the covers of my bed. But instead of finding solace, I smelled the woodsy scent of Jacob and wanted to throw up. I then noticed that I still had his shirt on. The screaming that came out of me couldn't be described as I ripped the shirt off my body, taking with it all my bedding and throwing them on the floor. I stood in the middle of the floor; the only other vestiges of clothing from going downstairs remaining were my bra and underwear. I felt alone. The hole was all consuming now.

I curled on top of my bare mattress and screamed into my fist.


	3. Chapter 3

EPOV

If Jasper could feel my emotions now, I don't know what he would classify them.

Grateful, I thought at first. _She's alive._

Shock.

Anguish.

Loathe. Not of Bella, of course, but the mutt. Of all the peop- no, creatures to be keeping company with.

_Keeping company with in her bed._ I shuddered at the thought.

How could I be mad at Bella though? I had been gone for months. It wasn't, shouldn't be her fault. It was mine.

"Edward," Alice said, breaking me out of my trance, "I am going back to the house. You _need _to talk to Bella."

I just stared. "How? Obviously there is someone else that has taken my place."

Alice hit me across the head.

"No you idiot!" She yelled in a whisper. "She loves you but she had to find..._something!_ She needed someone and he was there but he was never anything compared to you. _Trust me._"

I breathed out slowly.

_I see Charlie staying at the police station until late and then going over to Sue Clearwater's to help with the funeral. I am going home. You stay the night with Bella._

I nodded and headed up stairs.

BPOV

I'm not sure how long I layed in my tears, but eventually there was a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" Edward asked timidly. Edward was never timid.

I stayed silent. I couldn't bare to see him, to let him see me.

"Bella, please," He pleaded. The way he talked, it was as if I hadn't just done something horribly terribly wrong.

"Yes," I mumbled quietly. I didn't realize how the sobs were still shaking in my chest.

I heard my door open but didn't hear anything more until I heard my bed spring squeak slightly. I felt his arms around me in the next moment.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay." He murmured into my hair.

"No," I tried to yell but it sounded pathetic even to my ears, "It's not. Nothing is right!" I gained more steam and got up. I looked around the room and smelled the woodsy scent of Jacob again. I saw the sheets. I swear I could feel it even on my skin.

The screaming started again.

"Come on, let's go downstairs. I know you don't want to be in this room right now."

I don't know if I nodded or not; I was numb. I do know I tried to get up but Edward's arms came around me and carried me down stairs. It made me hate myself even more. The feeling of my practically naked body against him, having him carry me, this is what I wanted. Edward was supposed to be the first.

My chest started to writhe with sobs again.

Edward put me on the couch and wrapped a blanket around me. For a second he disappeared and then he came back with a glass of water.

He handed me the glass and looked at me. "This is my fault." He spoke very calmly.

I was stunned. "Damn it, Edward! Not everything is your fault!"

"If I hadn't left, you wouldn't have felt the need-"

"It doesn't matter now though, does it?"

"I will never forgive myself for leaving. I love you more than anything, Bella." His eyes were pleading, asking for forgiveness.

I crawled across the couch and into his arms and sobbed. "I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't right. I never stopped loving you.." I started mumbling and rambling, explaining how I had missed him, the voices, the recklessness. The epitome of recklessness is what just happened though.

I just had sex with Jacob Black.

The idea was still foreign to me. I was never seductive, I couldn't flirt to save my life. And somehow, I found myself in bed with him, losing my virginity to him, writhing and contorting and moving with his body in ways that I didn't think were possible. No, I knew they were possible. Just not with _him_. I wanted them with someone else.

I looked up at Edward with pleading eyes. "Please forgive me, I wish it were you."

That made him take in a breath. "Bella, it's not-"

I closed my eyes. "I know. It's dangerous." I said barely in a whisper.

He then did something that surprised me. He took his hands and put them around my face.

"Bella, I love you more than anything. But first, you need to sort things out with Jacob."

I sniffed. "That will never happen. He will never listen to me."

"That may be true," He resigned, "but at least you know you tried. And one more thing,"

And then he crushed his lips to mine. In a fury that I couldn't explain. It was like nothing that I had every experienced, even with him before. His kisses were more urgent, more needy.

"I have lived without you, and now for almost twenty four hours thinking you were dead. I can't bare to let that ever happen again. Please say that you will be with me."

I looked up at him, and stared into his eyes. "There was never any need to ask."

I kissed him again and let my tongue dance lightly against his lips. What shocked me is when he opened his mouth and put his tongue into mine. It was nothing like how being with Jacob was. It was more. Much, much more.

He pulled away.

"Can I ask you something?" He started.

"Okay?" I asked, slightly confused.

"Will you marry me?"

I stopped dead.

"I already want you forever, isn't that enough?"

He smirked.

"Becoming a vampire wins out over marriage? I think not, Bella."

I thought about it. After the events of the day, I knew Edward was the only person I would want forever. But marriage?

"It's just, Edward-"

"I'll change you myself." He said solemnly.

I contemplated this. It was an offer beyond my dreams. I sat up a little straighter and a little further away to help me think straighter.

"Edward, Renee raised me to ward off young marriages. It kinda screwed things up majorly for her and Charlie. But I love you. More than life. I want to be with you forever. So I guess you can call that a yes."

He smiled and pulled me to his chest, then he seemed to remember that I was barely clothed.

"Why don't you put some, er, clothes on and- damn it!"

"What?" He looked so alarmed and I quickly became concerned.

"I was going to say we can talk more but Alice is coming back."

Alice. She would hate me.

"No, she doesn't hate you." Edward chuckled.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind?" I questioned.

"No, but your face is as easy to read as ever. Apparently, she is bringing the rest." He shot a wearied glance at me.

I started freaking out.

"No! I can't let them all hate me. And my room!" Edward silenced my rant with a kiss.

"I will help you. Come on let's get everything cleaned up."

My mission was simple: get dressed. He was taking care of getting my room looking somewhat presentable. Not that they would be there but you could never be positive. And Alice did know what happened..

I felt cool arms around me.

"They're here."


	4. Chapter 4

BPOV

There was a knock at the door.

And another.

And another.

"Are you going to get it?" Edward chuckled in my ear, trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh," I stuttered. "Yeah, I am."

I walked down the steps, Edward holding my hand the entire time. I opened the door to Edward's family. _My_ family. They looked just as stunningly, gut wrenchingly beautiful as that last time that I had seen them. I looked on their faces, trying to discern whether or not they new my shame. The faces didn't show much, but I knew that didn't necessarily mean everything. Jasper could feel my emotions. Alice was already here and knew.

Yet, all Alice did was smile at me.

"Come in," I said weakly, giving a timid smile.

One by one, they all came in, even Rosalie. Emmett gave me a huge bear hug, which I struggled to breathe in. Esme just offered a small hug and everyone walked over to the living room. Edward and I followed, still holding our hands. _That must be the reason that they are smiling and happy_, I thought.

Carlisle was the first to actually break the silence.

"Bella, we've missed you." He said fervently.

"I have missed you all too. Very much." I heard a snort that sounded a little like Rosalie. Maybe I had mistaken her kind demeanor of earlier.

"Shut it, Rosalie." Edward growled.

"I'm sorry, but I think that if she really missed us I wouldn't smell this God awful smell mixed with something I most certainly _do know_, Edward." Rosalie snapped.

I felt my blush redden my face and the tears pooling in my eyes. I had to get out of here.

"Way to go, Rose." Emmett sighed. She looked at him incredulously.

"What did you say to me?" Rosalie's voice was rising.

"Babe, I love you. But Bella is clearly a wreck at the moment and the last thing we need is to bring up the exact thing that she is distraught about."

"Emmett! What the hell, I am your-"

"Stop being so damn selfish, Rosalie." Alice snapped.

"Who was talking to you, Alice?" Rosalie yelled.

"Geez, she was just trying to help!" Jasper defended.

I had to get out of here.

"Yeah, you freaks can just band together!" Emmett snarled.

"Thanks Emmett! They were on your side and now you bring me into it!" Edward yelled.

"Oh you all knew what I meant!"

"Really, try me." Edward remarked.

I had to get out. Everyone was yelling. I stood up, feigning going to the kitchen and grabbed my keys. The yelling was so loud I prayed that they didn't see me slip of out door and to my truck.

EPOV

"Rosalie you are just so damn selfish! Why can't you be happy for me and Bella instead of hating her all the time because you are mad!" I threw back at her.

"ENOUGH!" Esme and Carlisle yelled at once. We all went silent and turned to them.

"While you all made complete asses out of yourselves, tearing apart someone like they aren't even here, you missed that Bella isn't even here anymore!" Esme yelled.

We looked. The seat next to me was empty.

"FUCK!" I yelled, jumping up and running to the door.

"Edward, where are you going to go?"

"Where ever she is. I have to find her."

"You all were complete fools. You are all selfish. And frankly, Rosalie, I know you are upset and lost and hurt much. But do not, I repeat, do not ever take that out on her again. We all make choices, we all lose choices. And right now, you are trying to take what she wants away." Carlisle stated.

Rosalie made a face and looked at the ground.

"I'm..sorry." she murmured. _Edward, I am_.

I listened to her. I knew she was. But at this moment I couldn't think of anything other than finding Bella.

"I'm going to find Bella." And with that, I walked out of the house.

BPOV

I drove for awhile, not even thinking really about where I was going. It wasn't until I hit 101 when I realized where I was going. The meadow.

Where Edward and I spent our first day together. Where I first saw Jacob as a wolf.

Jacob..

Edward was right. I had to talk to him. But he would never talk to me again.

"Jacob!" I yelled. I sort of hoped he was in his wolf form and could hear me. I wanted to talk to him but I wanted Edward to be able to find me, so La Push was out.

"Jacob! If you can hear me, come here! I need to talk to you!"

I felt silly. This was ridiculous. He was furious with me. He would never talk to me. I don't know why I bothered.

A few minutes later, I hear the soft thudding of paws. Soon, a russet colored wolf appeared.

"Jake.." I said quietly, looking into his eyes. They held so much hurt. And so much love.

"Come here," I said patting the ground beside me. I was surprised when he complied.

I started scratching behind his ear.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry about everything that happened. I shouldn't have done it. Because it was only going to hurt you more than anything. Even if he hadn't come back, it wouldn't have worked. I hurt you more than anything in the world could hurt you by doing what I did. I will never forgive myself for it. I am so, so sorry." By the end I was sobbing uncontrollaby. I leaned on his side, coating his fur with a sheen of salty tears. I felt him move as he started to get up. I sat up and started wipeing my tears.

"I understand. Go." I mumbled.

He trotted out of the woods, only to arrive with pants a few moments later.

"Bella.." He murmured. He ran over to me and pulled me into an embrace.

"Shhh. It's okay. Er, rather, I may not like it. In fact, I hate it. But I understand."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. It's okay." He kissed my hair.

"Edward doesn't know I left my house."

"Oh yes, I think he does. He is driving around like a maniac trying to find you." He laughed.

"Oh man. I better go."

"Bells, I may not like him. At all. But he does love you. I think. I hope." He thought more. "He had better."

"Thank you. Love you, Jake." I mumbled.

"Love you, Bells."


End file.
